I am tired, You know.
I’ve been awake for many nights now, guarding this group of sheep. And let me be honest, they are not the brightest of their kind.
I keep teaching them — telling them that there is a wolf around — but they just love disobedience.
And, just this morning, one of them accused me of making this up. Can you believe that!?
That is not the start of the accusations. I’ve already received many. Accusations that I only do it for money, for prestige — for fame and my own glory. How much money do you get for guarding a sheep?
And the prestige? No one even respects me for wearing these clothes! But I need to wear this outfit to move freely when they suddenly decide to jump off a cliff.
Yes, some of them want to jump on a cliff now. They somehow believe in “The Shepherd” that will save them. Not the phony that I am.
This job is excruciating. I know, I know. I have to think about Your teachings. That I need to love the unlovable, for I am unlovable myself. Yet, You still love me.
But, to be honest — to be perfectly honest, I am not afraid of the wolf now. I am more afraid of the things they will decide to do next.
I know I have my own flaws. Mr. Shepherd Sir, I sometimes fail to be a good shepherd like you. You are kind and loving. You know this flock of sheep from the inside out.
I just pray that they will give me room to improve on the job — or, even better, help me with the job. But all they do is complain to me. Literally, they complain against each other, about their neighbor, about me… Their complaints include the things that I need to do.
I am so tired, Mr. Shepherd. I think one of these days I’ll just break and have the courage — or fear — to quit the job.
However, Sir, how would little Timmy the young sheep of the flock feel if his “favorite mister shepherd guy” was gone? He was young and restless as I taught the flock about Your ways. But he was sweet and relied on me when there were things he didn’t understand.
“Why is the sky blue, mister shepherd?” he asked me.
I answered him with a funny storyteller’s voice. “Because the Good Shepherd knows your favorite color is blue, little Timmy. So He said, back in the early days, ‘I will make the sky so blue because I know little Timmy likes to look up and see his favorite color.’ And so He did. Because He loves you.”
Of course, Sir, those were not Your exact words when You created the sky, but we know You love little Timmy. You love all of them. You love me.
Actually, now that I mention little Timmy, I just remembered young Lina. She’s excited to sing the hymn about You this coming weekend at the gathering. Such a sweet young lamb. She struggled at first, coming to me and wanting me to be honest about her voice. But Sir, You’ve given her the voice of an angel. She just needs to be confident about Your gift.
And, in the midst of my busyness with the flock, I hear her voice. It somehow encourages me. It makes me stronger somehow.
Good thing I got stronger that day. For the next day, a storm came to the field. Everyone was scared. The wind was so strong and terrifying. The sky was so dark that it made little Timmy cry. I needed to think fast, or the flock would scatter. I needed to protect them, Sir.
You love them. And I love them.
Everyone gathered inside the shelter. Everyone was silent and feeling down. Some were wounded. Some were silently crying.
This storm showed our weaknesses — and it was successful.
I had wounds too, but I know what I had to do.
I stood up and reminded them of Your love.
You, Sir, who conquered the grave for us. The Shepherd who leads this flock to salvation — to each other.
I stood there, bleeding. I stood there, hurt.
And, at that moment, they saw me as one of them — afraid and hurt.
I remembered, in that moment, that I have no other flocks to love. You’ve given me this flock. This group of sometimes annoying, but most of the time loving, sheep.
I have to endure what I am experiencing right now. I mean, I must endure the current problem. It is nothing compared to the storm we experienced that day.
That reminds me, dear Sir, that we can talk about the accusations I mentioned earlier. We can talk about the problems we need to settle. I don’t need to quit the job.
I love Your flock. I love the work.
Yes, Sir, I am still tired.
However, every time I remember how this flock has been growing from Day One, it gives me hope that they will make it.
My courage and hope come from love — not out of their respect nor my position. I know they, too, love me. They may fail to show it sometimes — often, maybe — but I know it.
Maybe I have to learn to take a rest, Sir. Glorify You while doing so. Trusting some leaders of the flock, like mister sheeper, to guide some younger ones.
I have to remember all the good things they’ve done for the good of the flock to glorify You, Sir.
I just wish that they would remember to pray for me too. Just like how they did during the storm. I hope they continue to notice my weakness and pray for me. I think I have to be honest with them, as well.
In the end, dear Sir, this flock is doing fine. Thank You for reminding me of that. That they — I mean, we — continue to learn from Your teachings. That we are a reflection of Your love for each other and for other sheep that are still not members of the flock.
Thank You, great Sir. Thank You for loving us, and I am praying to have a heart that loves the way You love this flock.
Because nothing comforts a shepherd’s heart more than love. The love of his own Master and the love that he has for his people.