I am still undecided on what to put on the title and hoping that I might get an idea once to put all my words altogether. Even writing this right now is a battle, a hard one. But thanks to Louie Giglio’s book “Goliath must fall” I remember that this is not my battle but of the Lord’s.

The only thing I know about Louie Giglio back then is his sermons entitled “Indescribable” and “How great is our God”. I was a high school student by that time and I really love science, that is why his words (well, by that time, it was his words, now that I think about it, it is His Word calling me) really got my interest. As a teenager and new to salvation, it really felt great that someone, a Great One, knows my name and cares for me. The next thing is history, I become a Christian, really dedicate my whole life to Jesus at a young age, I thought the earlier the better, right?

well, Yes and No.

Life as a Christian is not rainbows and butterflies kind of life.

Wait, before you all misinterpret this statement and tell me:

Let me clarify it for you. It is better, in such a thing, that in our struggles, we know, God is in control. BUT it is not better, because we are not exempted from all the hurts and weaknesses of being a human, these are somehow included on the package of being born in a sinful world. While all the “non-christian” people are justified in being “human”, as Christians, we need to trust in God that it is for His greater plan, and hey, be honest, it is the hardest part of our lives right now, trusting God in His plans.

Becoming a Christian as a young one is somehow a transition to a greater person God intended you to be from a worldly person you are right now. As for me, I am used to being in control of the situation and I hate it when anything didn't go as I planned. Even after being saved by grace, I still have moments that I think my plan is better than God. I’ve set my own standard for myself and for those around me. I kept a great face towards people so that they will see that the life of a Christian is a great one, a positive one. To say to them “hey, I am happy, because I am a Christian, come! know Jesus and be happy and excellent too!”

All the other young people look up to me and all the parents say “I wish my kid was like you”.

I fought a battle that is not mine. Eventually, I got tired, and everyone else around me. One moment in my life that my family didn’t meet the standard, my friends didn’t meet the standard, my church didn’t meet the standard. I DIDN’T MEET MY OWN STANDARD.

And like Peter, I saw myself, holding a sword in my hand in front of the Lord, with His face saying to me “what are you doing?” and my reply was “fighting for You?”

That is when I’ve got the book “Goliath must fall” by Louie Giglio. At first, I thought it is a book about addiction, like for drug addicts that need to fight for their bad habits. I thought that it is for angry people who badly need therapy. In short, I judge the book by its title (and cover).

But this book, surprisingly, is Jesus’ response to me when I say that I did all my standards to fight for Him.

On the early pages, as it discusses David, the slayer of Goliath, I was like “Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone on our kid’s Sunday school already knows this one”. But as I continue to read it, (I don’t want to give the whole detail, I’m sorry, don’t want to spoil the whole book for you, but the following is a major spoiler, I tell yah) he said that we are not the David on this narrative. So, all the inspirational things we heard, that if we try hard enough we can slay all the giants, if we believe in OURSELVES, we can conquer, WE ARE WRONG. JESUS is David in our story of David and Goliath.

That hits me. And made me come back to the basics. If we become Christians for so long and got distracted by all the music and sound and work and noises of the world, this kind of book, really calls us back to that same kid, who encounters Jesus many years ago.

The book, made me realize, that we don’t have to try harder to be a good person, Jesus conquered death so that we trust Him to make us a good person.

Someone might ask us, “so if we do not try to be a good person, we can be a bad one, because Jesus will make us a good one anyway?” NO. my dear friend, but what we are to do, is follow and trust in Jesus, and let Him transform us. Good works will follow. We don’t have to try to be a good person so that God will love us. He already did love us, even when we are sinners.

Stop trying, start trusting.

We don’t have to create our own standard of good. There is a standard of good and we all fail. That is the standard of the wages of sin, DEATH. And that standard was met not by our good works, but by the death of Jesus.

I realized that we don’t have to keep a good face towards everyone, showing that it is a happy life we are having. Let us not be afraid of being truthful to other people that sometimes we are weak. Let them see Jesus, not us.

I noticed it to the young people in our church. They are telling me that before they are afraid of asking me because they thought I wouldn’t understand, that I would criticize their weaknesses because I am strong and they are weak. But when I showed my weaknesses to them, that I struggle a lot, it makes me someone that they can relate to. A strong someone (in their eyes), that is more like them, a weak one. That gives them a hope that if I can do it, a weak one, through trusting Jesus, why can’t they, after all, we worship the same God, so why not?

I realized that a Christian must not have a good face towards someone, but must have the face of Jesus towards them, the face of truth.

We must not be a one-dimensional person who is rainbows and butterflies. We must show them storms with rainbows, tears with a smile, caterpillars with butterflies, and most of all, our human weaknesses with Jesus.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthian 12:10

Right now, I still struggle. I am still learning more of His will and how I can trust Him more. I will continue to pray for that, and for you, readers, that the Lord will talk to you, through this blog, or through the book that I’ve mentioned. Telling you to trust in Him more and more. It just feels right that now, instead of the sword of my self-standard, I am now holding His Word, the Bible, which is better than a double edge sword.